It’s 4am…am still wide awake working on my proposal. Gotta settle & finish off some work before I go off on my long awaited family holiday. Feeling a little hungry. It’s times like this I miss my brother. Can’t knock on his door or send him a text msg to accompany me to mamak or 24-hr dimsum.

There are days when I think I’m going crazy. But today is certainly not one of those days!

I was chatting with Prema just now over MSN, talking about my brother and our lives after his death. Then our topic moved on to the movie “Awake”, the story about Clay who experienced anesthetical awareness, a condition when anesthesia failed during surgery, thus leaving him completely conscious of every incision and pain, yet paralysed and incapable of doing anything. We spoke about the possibility of an ‘out-of-body’ condition; even if a person is in coma or brain dead, can the soul actually hear and see us?

We talked about dad and why he doesnt want to go on holiday because Tian Leng was suppose to go with us on this up-coming trip.

Then we moved on to talk about “Shutter”, a ghost thriller I watched last night about a photographer haunted by a very strong unrest spirit of his ex-gf. We talked about how my brother is scared of ghosts and how he’ll scream if he watch ghost movies in cinema. I mentioned about how I always feel like I’m being watched, and that’s why I dont like watching ghost movies, because I get very disturbed and the images will haunt me forever.

Soon after, my sister June came online, and Prema decided to go on group chat. About 5 minutes later, my phone beeped indicating new message in my inbox.

It read “TWO NEW MESSAGES”.

I opened my inbox and there were two new mail icons:

- JOANNE

- TIAN LENG

I stared at the phone for a few seconds, a lil confused, then i asked June, “did you just send me a message using koko’s phone?” and she replied via MSN “No. Why?! His phone cannot call out alr.”

So I opened the message, and it was a repeated message from an old message he sent me two years ago.

“Eventhough I don know how to express my feelings i don show love to you all but deep down in my heart i do love you all alot! i know i don show care or concern bout you all but deep down inside i do..its because we are brought up in a way that we keep everything in our heart its like saying empty vessels make the most noise because they don think before they talk. i’m quiet because i use that time to think. if you have any problem in life just give me a buzz.. i will help you as much as i can… i am willing to sacrifice my life just for u all…you may think i am dumb and naive…narrow minded…but its this type of ppl tat can be trusted… tat can be count on when u need them.”

-Tian Leng   012220****    11:01:10pm    02-09-2006-

 I totally freaked out! Then I pressed the back button to go back into my inbox, and the message was gone!

Midway relaying the incident to Prema and June via MSN, telling them that maybe there’s a problem with my phone or I’m seeing things, my phone beeped again.

“NEW MESSAGE from TIAN LENG”

I stared longer at my phone, just to be sure I wasn’t going crazy or imagining things. It was really a ‘new mail’ icon!  

I soo freaked out I switched on all the lights - kitchen, toilet, staircase, everywhere. I swear I am not making up stories!!

I stared at the new mail icon “Tian Leng” again for quite some time, then thought I must show it to somebody so they won’t think I’m going nuts, but no one was home yet and I soo cannot ‘tahan’ I gotta read it.  It was the same message!

Was he trying to console us or something else? 

Ok…maybe Maxis has some problem or my phone has got a problem…but it was really really freaky!

Prema said maybe he was trying to tell us something since it’s the first time all three of us chatted together in MSN.

Maybe, he just wanted to join in the conversation.

Maybe, just dropping in to say “HELLO?”  

Tomorrow (Wed, 11th March) would mark the 100th day my brother has passed away.

Truth is not easy to come by.

Especially when the “why” remains unanswered, many of us still can’t rest in peace.

Some say “Just let go. It’s all fated.”

But “How” … if “Why” is still left with so many question marks. 

My report lodged in KL had been dismissed the day my brother died. Reasoning was because it’s not valid since the incident happened at Genting and I am not the material witness. It’s tough getting the Police located at  Gotong Jaya to do their job, especially when the Police are indirectly working for Genting Group too.

Please leave your comments, opinions, advice and stories at Tian Leng’s site.

Thank you.